It wasn’t until I was imprisoned that I started listening to the guidance of the Spirit, and started comforting brothers and praying with them and for them. In the time that I spent studying through the teachings of Crossroads Bible Studies, I was sharpened. I now lead our Bible studies, bringing the Lord to others who previously didn’t believe.

I’ve watched God do many miracles and healings of prisoners and guards. I’ve seen men give their lives to Christ. I have come to an understanding that with the help fo Crossroads and the leading of the Holy Spirit, I will one day, God willing, earn my freedom. When I do, I will start a ministry to help my brothers and sisters in prison, and those who have backslidden; grabbing on to them for Christ so they do not fall away as victims to the vices of the adversary.

Crossroads held on to me and I will return the favour in kind. I am wrongfully convicted, yet happy to do the work God has sent me to do while I’m incarcerated. It has especially given me a chance to get back to focusing on the Lord.

Thank you to all of you at Crossroads. May the Father Almighty grant you your hearts’ desires through His Mighty Son Jesus.

Gerald’s name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Joe on Unsplash.

My path is of destruction, and each time has been worse than the last. Several years ago, I asked Jesus into my heart. At this point, I realize my faith then was very weak — if not fake. When it came to faith, I “faked it till I made it.” I went to the church and found I really loved worship, but during the sermon, I would go for a smoke rather than hear what was being said. If I did hear the words, I felt guilty for all I’ve done. I fell short, as I always seemed to.

Now I’m 53. Years have passed. I find myself in the very same spot once again. I’ve known God my whole life. I’ve been in an out of church and worship for many years. I was in a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, taking part in their twelve step program. They refer to as a “higher power.” Their program is built around it. Without the “higher power” they speak of, their program does not exist. Again, I really did fake my faith before. What I was missing is God.

Truly, if I don’t have God in my life, I always end up where I am at. Because I have done everything to avoid turning my will over to a power greater than myself. This struggle of mine has been my life story.

At church, I loved to sing. I didn’t want to hear the Word. I managed to turn my ear away from it. How can anyone learn about God or grow with God if you won’t hear the Word? I fell short over and over.

Last year, I started to read the Word. I was on my knees begging for a change. I had overdosed. I had lost yet another relationship. I had lost my home. My sons no longer wanted contact with me. I was back in prison.

Yet this time was much worse than ever before. I’m now serving a 42-month sentence, and still have a 4 day trial for armed robbery.

This is very new to me. My crimes in the past would never escalate to this type of charge, not ever. At this point, I am on my knees, asking God for a change.

Please Lord, help me. I no longer want to be this man. I no longer want to hurt myself or my family. Here I am, Lord. I am yours. I am on my knees and I need you. Please show me mercy and kindness.

The next time I opened a Bible, a card fell out. The card was advertising Crossroads’ Bible studies. I thought I recognized Crossroads, so I filled it out and sent it in to start the course.

Not a lot of change came. I was pretty much the same man I was then. But I read and learned that I must forgive others before God can forgive me. This punched me in the face. All my years on earth, all my times in a church, I never knew this.

And so the work started amongst all the people I had to forgive. But the real work was when I figured out I had to forgive myself. I hold on to my hate very well. This, I feel, is what held me back. I had begun this process of forgiveness. I would look in the mirror (not often), and when I did I hated who I saw. I would snarl at myself like a rabid dog. I had no love for myself.

I was mad at God for this. I had to let go of all my hate. It took a while to start the process, but once I started, I found I could practice on others first — and little by little, focus on me.

I started to take care of myself. Self care and love was on my doorstep. I read more and learned more of the Word and I found something was changing my heart. For the first time in my life, I cared for myself. I forgave myself, as well as all others, and my heart opened up wide. Through the grace of God, I was saved.

I love studying my Bible and sharing the Word with anyone who will listen. Now, my life has no guilt, no lies, no stealing, and no violence. I want to be a good Christian. I’m aware of how I affect others. I’m fully aware of all my behaviours.

One of my blessings is that I ended up in a mental health unit. I had shown signs of mental disorder. What they saw was a broken down man detoxing off drugs. I needed a lot of help in my first few days inside.

I went to a unit with only eight cells in it — very quiet. No politics at all. This is where I started the work with God. I now do session with physiology and drug counsellors. Every day I get closer to God.

I love God today in ways I never thought possible. I’mv very blessed to have had all these events take place. I pray for guidance, knowledge, and wisdom. My union with God allows me to ask for such things.

I love Proverbs and all it offers. I don’t have one favourite verse — there are so many! Books of John through Mark, all of them. My issues are of living issues and being able to cope. This is all being taught now as I write this. I’m learning to love and be loved.

This journey here has only just started.

I feel God and I are working together for my very success. Every study I do touches me one way or another. I always get something from God’s word. I love to share with any other who will listen to me. I believe John 3:16 with all my heart.

Norm’s name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Nick Cooper on Unsplash

I grew up in a good home. My parents are still together, and they treated me good. Our family is very close. We do everything together. We love bikes (we’re a Harley family). My family has been by my side from the start.

I got addicted to drugs and alcohol from an early age. It started interfering with my life. I started pushing friends and family away. But still, my family was right there, fighting for me.

I got into lots of bar fights and mischief, and ended up in the drunk tank a few times. I would make the worst choices when I was drunk. My drug use spun out of control over the years. I was using to live and living to use. I was moving from job to job. I was one of the best workers when I was there, but my attendance sucked. So I was always looking for a new job.

My parents were supporting me, and I would lie and cheat and steal from them to get my next fix. I always felt bad because I love them, but at the time, drugs were more important to me.

This went on for years, and I couldn’t take it. I thought about taking my life a few times. I tried talking and wrestling with God, but I didn’t get any answers I wanted to hear. So I would curse God. If there was a real God, how could all this bad happen to me? So I went on trying to live for myself.

I had a lot of good relationships with intimate partners, but my drug use got in the way of that as well. So I moved from one woman to the next. I suffered from depression for years. Still, my family was right there.

Then, over a two year period, I was out of control. I drank until I blacked out, and I violently offended, not remembering what I did. I went to remand (which is where they put you when you’re on bail or in custody), and I ended up getting bail.

I was released to treatment for four and a half months. I’ve been lean and sober ever since. I was on bail for four years, until I was found guilty and got sentenced to six and a half years.

A few months into my sentence, I picked up a Bible and started reading. I met this guy that spent eighteen years in prison, and the only thing he read was the Bible. He told me all kinds of stories from the Bible that made me curious. I figured if a man who was once a hardcore criminal believes, then maybe I should see what it’s all about.

So I started reading the Bible every day and started doing the Bible studies. I was excited to find that, when I completed them, I got feedback and encouragement — and sometimes I even got cool books to read!

As I did my studying and reading, I found that the way I view my life and people started to change. It made me hungry for more.

Then I started interacting with Christians! I liked how they acted. It was like they had an aura around them, always happy and friendly and willing to give you their time.

So I started going to church. I got involved in some church programs, and was studying the Bible with lessons I could get in the mail from every prison ministry I could find.

Soon, I’m going to get transferred to minimum security. The prison I’m in is a hard place, and I’ll be happy when I’m gone. The best part of this place is my chaplain. He is very good at what he does.

Through all this, I kept my faith growing. I am now a true believer. I’m so blessed and thankful for what Jesus has done for us, and am happy to know that I have a place in eternity with Him. I’ve just recently finished reading The Purpose Driven Life, and I’m on a mission to spread the Good News.

Photo by duncan adler on Unsplash. Harry’s name has been changed to protect his privacy.

I see now that I have needed my saviour all along, and even though I had rejected God and His ways, He was still there beside me, waiting for me to call on Him. I sit here today writing this, and I know that Jesus was rejoicing when I called upon Him. He probably said: “It is about time. I have been waiting for this moment.”

I am currently reading Lord, I Want to Be Whole by Stormie Omartian. I am going to the do the seven steps. First is to site and write down an inventory of my sins. (There will be so many.) Then, I will take this list and ask for the pastor at my church to lift it up to Jesus in prayer. After that, I will continue on with the steps.

My new journey with Jesus has just begun. I ended up in jail and confessed to the pastor in prison. What he said to me after my confession (while I was crying) impacted my life forever. He created in that moment my new life with Christ Jesus, my Redeemer, my Saviour, my God, my Father, and my everything. He said: “Cas, I forgive you, and so does God.”

I prayed. I went to chapel. I got to know a few sisters in Christ. My journey only got better and better. After completing several Bible courses, I met a lonely woman in jail named Lana. She encouraged me to do studies with Crossroads, as she was.

And here I am today, pouring my heart out and wanting to study more, learn more, and strive to know Jesus more.

I look forward to continuing my studies with Crossroads and having a mentor to connect with. Thank you for everything.

Cas’s name was changed to protect her privacy. Photo by Molly Belle on Unsplash.

After my arrest, I was literally suffocating from shame and guilt. I could not bear to see myself in the mirror, or even write my own name. In November 2018, I finally understood I could no longer continue to rely on my own devices, and I accepted that I needed help. I held on far too long to the false belief that I should not ask anyone for help for fear of betrayal or rejection.

Many friends and family came to visit me. They were all very supportive and happy to see me. I cried a lot with them. I could not understand how anyone could still have any love or kindness for me, as my self-esteem was at the lowest point it had ever been. I realized all of these people had one thing in common: they were all in touch with the Divine. I decided to look into this, and I started reading the Bible. I went to church and prayed with the chaplain.

Near the end of the year, a pastor friend visited, and he prayed with me and for me. At that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit come into my heart. The fear and anxiety I had felt for so long were replaced with peace and joy. That day I surrendered my life to God. I know God has a plan for me. I was not arrested — I was rescued. I changed my attitude, the way I look at myself and the way I look at others. I started to see with more clarity my weaknesses and my strengths, my faults and my qualities. I accepted that I was far from perfect, but more importantly that I no longer needed to be perfect.

Our differences connect us.

We belong the way we are… with all our imperfections. They define our humanity.

I started seeing all the proverbial elephants in the room, I opened the door and I started letting them out in the garden. Until a couple years ago, I thought I had everything I needed to be happy: a good education, good health, a good family, two great children, a beautiful home, a great career, and enough assets to retire comfortably. However, I was unhappy. Spirituality was missing.

I was a prisoner in my old wounds, of my fears of betrayal, rejection and abandonment, prisoner of my own self. Denial, justification, rationalization, minimization were all defence mechanisms I had been using to survive my childhood traumas. Paradoxically, I feel freer here behind bars than I ever felt in my life. The walls are not to prevent my escape (I would not escape even if there were no walls); rather they are there to protect me from the distractions from the outside world.

I am doing very important work; I am dying a little bit every day to my old self, to be reborn in Christ. Jesus loves me unconditionally. He will never reject, betray or abandon me.

When we know we’re loved because of who we are, we become healthier in mind and more intimate in expression. We’re freed from the fear of rejection and loosed from the anxiety to perform.

I go to church twice a week; I do Bible studies by correspondence with four organizations; I do group Bible studies with a chaplain once a week; I meet with chaplain John weekly; I pray often and read the Bible daily.

I feel very grateful to be here, for the opportunity to learn about and improve myself, and to heal from my past.

My pastor friend proposed I work with him in a Christian Centre helping refugees to adapt to their new life in Canada. I am very much looking forward to joining my new Christian family, from whom I will seek continuing help and guidance.

I feel the Holy Spirit is in my heart and I let Him guide me away from a life of self­-centeredness towards one of service to others. Peace and joy that come through faith are gradually replacing the fear of rejection, betrayal and abandonment. I now feel much more self-confident, with much less fear of emotional intimacy.

I have humbled myself and opened my heart. I am learning to love others and myself as God loves us, I am learning to love God in others and myself, I am learning to let myself become the ·instrument through which God loves us all.

I subconsciously thought denial was protecting me from my pain, but it has prolonged it, made it worse and caused it to be transformed into shame and guilt.

I was afraid to lose control of my life and I resisted change. I was afraid of the unexpected and I tried to control everything. I did not trust the future because my past had been so painful. I now recognize I had very little control on my life, and I realize I cannot continue leading my life as I have always done it: alone. Because alone, I am powerless.

I am recovering my freedom by accepting, identifying, recognizing and expressing my emotions. Since I now reveal my secrets in broad daylight, I can start the journey towards healing.

From being impatient, irritable, self-absorbed and taking myself too seriously, I am becoming patient, gentle, kind, joyful, grateful, humble, generous, and respectful of others and myself.

I used to be pessimistic, always looking for problems and with a negative attitude. I am now optimistic about my life and my future.

I have turned my life around 180°, and I now view others and myself in a completely new way. I have changed, from the limited viewpoint I had of my life to God’s much broader and hope-filled perspective.

Damon’s name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash.

However, I didn’t fully understand the choice I was making, and I was merely mimicking my bother. 1 John 3:10 says “Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God,” and I did a lot of things wrong after that. I never had any peace.

I was baptized shortly after that without any real understanding of the meaning of baptism. It was in my teenage years that I rebelled and turned my back on God and the church. 2 Peter 2:21 says “it would have been better for me not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn my back on the sacred command that was passed down to me.”

It’s not that I lost my salvation, but that I turned my back on God and falsely claimed my salvation. I got into drinking and drugs a lot in my early adult life. I got married to a divorced woman with three kids, and took on the role of daddy, all while hiding my problem.

Then came the day I got arrested, when my life spun our of control and became unmanageable. For two years, I held on to my false conversion, going through the motion, reading my Bible, praying, even doing Bible correspondence courses and pretending I was a Christian. I did all this while enduring inner turmoil, struggling with anger and resentment, and wondering why I did something so sickening.

Then, it finally clicked. I realized I was a lost sinner in need of God’s grace. I felt the empty gap where the Holy Spirit was. Because of my upbringing, I knew what I needed to do, so I prayed to the Lord. I gave my life to Him, surrendering my life to His will. That was the best decision I ever made.

I received lasting peace for the first time. I went through a total life transformation. The anger disappeared, along with the urge to drink and use drugs. I went from being shy and introverted to warm and outgoing. From severe anxiety to next to none. From misery to contentment with my circumstances.

What can I say? The Lord is real and He is good. I love doing Crossroads’ correspondence courses. They challenge me when I feel too comfortable with my knowledge and understanding of God’s Word. God bless.

Peter’s story has been edited for clarity, and his name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash.

I was an on and off professing Christian all my life, so I dropped to my knees in that cell and I began to pray. Begging, promising, and crying, I pleaded with God to make the pain, the hurt, and the charges go away. I promised I would go to church, be good, and obey the law.

After hours of this, laying on the floor, I turned my head. Under the bunk was a book, ripped, with blank pages torn out, and no cover. It was a Bible! I opened it and began to read Zephaniah 3:17: “The Lord God is with you; the Mighty Warrior who saves.”

After reading for a while, I asked God for help, then fell asleep. When the chaplain visited the cell, I was asked if I would like to participate in a Bible study program. I said yes.

Enter the Crossroads Bible studies. At first, the studies were of general knowledge. But as I began to develop, God began to impart His knowledge and I began to understand His wisdom and began to change. Starting with one book a week, I began to crave and desire the reading and studies. Soon, I was completing two or three lessons a week.

As I learned, I began to pray more and understood more about God. I learned that my views and expectations of God were way out of line with what God expected from me. But the lessons were not the only benefit of the Crossroads studies.

As I learned and grew, I received the support and wisdom of my mentors. I received personal letters and even an in-person visit while I was serving my sentence from my mentor, Jack.

Jack answered questions, offered advice, explained Bible passages, and gave me the support I needed. When I completed the 65-75 lessons, I was despondent, and wondered how I would spend my time. So when I was offered the chance to participate in the college level studies, I immediately accepted.

After I finished the first book in those studies, I was released from prison and returned home. It took about one year to get settled in my new apartment and new life. Church became a part of my new life. I jumped into it with both feet. But something was missing: I had too much free time.

Unable to work because of disabling injuries, I stumbled down the road of life. Around then, I started to receive emails from a top university to go back to school. After six months of those emails, I called them. I didn’t think I had a chance of getting in. I only had my G.E.D. certificate.

I spent six weeks of scrambling and signing paperwork, and I thought that would be the end of it. But I eventually received a card in the mail. “Congratulations!” it said. “Welcome to Liberty University. You have been accepted into the Psychology Program for Christian Family Counselling.”

To say I was stunned would be an understatement. God put Crossroads there to prepare me for this. I have a year and a half till I get my B.A. When I finish with this, the last of my past will be behind me.

I recently finished the second book of the Crossroads studies, called Introduction into Dogmatics, Biblical Truths in Depth, Systematic Theology. I have just received Book 3 on Christian Worldview, and I look forward to beginning it soon.

Crossroads helped me realize what God expects from me. They gave me the keys to finding God’s truths. Their staff are all dedicated to walking with each man or woman in finding their way to Jesus Christ, and they continue to support us after our release.

I can never repay the treasures that Crossroads has and still gives me today. Crossroads has meant so much to me: they helped me get closer to God. They have truly given new joy to my life when I read my favourite verse:

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you. In his love, He will not longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Daniel’s name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Max Duzij on Unsplash.

The next day, the reverend brought me my first Bible. The key to freedom. It was the only book I was allowed to have.

I started reading Genesis and read it to its end. The reverend visited me again and brought me some Bible studies that I’d requested.

When you complete these studies, you earn your own Bible. I knew that my husband had worked on those very studies and earned his Bible two years before, while he was incarcerated. Not long after that, he was shot and killed in front of me.

I miss him so much. He had been my reason to live. Doing these Bible studies gave me a connection to his spirit, and helped me start to grieve.

In turn, I started my journey of faith in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Through Him, I found the will to live again, a way to grieve, peace, hope, and finally some joy in a world without my best friend and husband.

With the help and support of the reverend, as well as many Bible study courses, I was able to grow in my faith. I asked Jesus into my heart and life, then was baptized and reborn through water and the Holy Spirit here in prison.

Through Crossroads, I was able to grow in my knowledge and faith in Christ. Doing these courses and receiving encouragement through letters from my mentors truly got me through some of the darkest, most painful moments in my life. During moments when Satan was whispering doubt into my ear, I was able to find truth and safety with Christ — thanks to the knowledge I gained from prison ministries like Crossroads and their dedicated mentors.

I am finally getting a house arrest hearing later this year, and living in a treatment centre for at least six months. I plan to continue my Bible studies throughout this time.

Sarah’s name has been changed to protect her privacy. Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash.

Porn was introduced at an extremely young age. The first book I remember is not Dr. Seuss, but porn. I recall skipping school from kindergarten to go to a friend’s house. He had a tree fort, and I would bring my dad’s porn.

When I was six years old, my brother heard about Jesus and that He was in the business of changing families. He was saved, and came home and told my mom and I. After a few short weeks, we started going to church. At the end of every message, the pastor had an altar call. At six years old, I went up, and for the next month I kept going forward because I wanted him to know I was serious. My mom also got saved. She started attending AA, and gave up the alcohol.

God is good, because my dad got saved too, and he came home. He had me follow him round the house as he gathered up all the bottles from his hiding spots. Then, with the family around the kitchen sink, we watched him pour it all out.

That was amazing. As a family, we attended church. I found a new place where there were friends and fellowship. I attended everything I could at church. Sunday morning and evening service, Bible study, Friday youth group, and special events. I grew up in the church and served wherever I could.

I also attended Bible camp, became a councillor, assistant director, and this is where I feel I was lead into my career as a nurse. I saw the camp’s nurses and thought they had the best job in the world. I attended youth retreats too. I was more involved in church than in school. My brother and I led a Bible study in our high school for a few years.

Despite all that, there was something that would continue to creep into my life: porn.

I was addicted to porn my entire life. It destroyed my first marriage. And when my second wife and I adopted our four children — two sons and two daughters — I continued to turn to porn. Because of my earliest experiences as a victim, it placed two thoughts in my head: what happened was normal and I would never be the victim again.

I began to seek an opportunity to meet my needs outside of porn. I knew that if I had an affair with a co-worker, it would end up on Facebook and I would lose my family. If I used an escort, because of the high risk of an STI, I would lose my family.

My daughters were at an age that I knew they would not be able to speak or explain, and so I victimized both of them. The guilt, shame, and fear became extreme. I went and sought help in the States and was told not to share, because they would need to report a crime had been committed.

Eventually, my oldest daughter said something to my wife. Deep down, I hoped that would happen. When my wife asked about it, I admitted the offence.

A few days later, after leaving the home, I decided to turn myself in with a full confession. I knew it would be the only way for the cycle to stop. The only way they could get the help they needed.

My selfishness and the depravity of my mind allowed me to cross one line after another. I never told God I didn’t want to serve Him. I said: “You can have it all, but.” This “but” grew larger and larger until I found myself so far from the Lord, so far into sin, that I could not find a way out.

I crossed many small lines. Eventually, when I crossed a major one, it appeared the same as all the other ones I had crossed. The blessing God provided in the form of my daughters, I victimized.

As I’ve gone through the studies, my Bible has been marked up more than the one I’ve had since I was six years old.

As I sat in the police station, I knew that life was about to take a drastic change. Life as I knew it was over. I would lose my family, my career, and my reputation. I would be left with nothing. But I told the truth. The verse “the truth shall set you free” was what lead me to confess, and it was accurate.

I sat in my first jail cell in my life, and I was set free. I had peace that passes all understanding. I still have that peace today. I could wake each day since, and say this is the day the Lord has made — I will rejoice in it.

God’s Word has come alive to me. Psalm 40:1-2 is the first verse I opened the Bible to in the first jail cell. I’m more on fire for the Lord, for His Word, and sharing His love with others than I’ve been in many years.

As I’ve studied the Crossroads material, I’ve read Scripture that I read as a young man, and the words have leapt off the page. Jeremiah 15:16 says “when Your Word came, I ate them.” I have consumed, devoured, chewed, and continued to munch on God’s work.

Often, as I start reading God’s Word, I’m stopped in my tracks and I can’t move past until I eat it. As I’ve gone through the studies, my Bible has been marked up more than the one I’ve had since I was sixteen years old. The Scripture that has leapt off the page, I’ve made a point to jot down. It’s gotten to the point I could plaster my wall.

I attend a variety of chapel services, and I’m learning what real church looks like. The key question is: who is Jesus to you, and what’s His role in the Trinity? God continues to open doors to share the amazing Hope we have in Christ.

There are guys here who are not in Christ, but recognize that He is in me. Men come to me to ask me to preach to them. They are not drawn because of me — they are being drawn to Christ in me.

Just as Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15-16: “I claim this for my life. I am the worst sinner who Christ came to save, showing me the mercy that Christ might display His immense patience as an example to those who would believe in Him. Without God, I am nothing.”

I have been able to share Jesus first out of a caring heart. This is not a common characteristic here. When the door is open, I know I just trust the Holy Spirit. God has helped me to not only care about the men, but He has given me a spirit of encouragement. Because of the amazing Grace I have received in my own life, I find it so easy to extend that grace to others.

I want to say thank you to the Crossroads for being there in the darkness, lighting the way, and giving hope to the hopeless. May I encourage each of you with 1 Corinthians 3:6: “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.”

You will not see the effects of planting a seed that can produce 40-60 or 100-fold. You cannot see if you are dealing with the next Tozer or Billy Graham. But when we face each other in heaven, and they line up to say thank you for giving to the Lord, I am that life that was changed.

Do not give up. Know that with every man who hears the Word and is changed, it will impact his family. They will share with others. Ministries can be established, new careers formed, institutions changed, communities shaken, and the world will know we are Christians by our love.

“May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; May the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”

Blessings from your brother in Christ.

Lewis’ story has been edited to adjust its length and clarity, and protect his privacy. He has been a Crossroads student since July 2018, and is currently a Tier 2 student. Photo by Blake Carpenter on Unsplash.

With the help and guidance of the institutional chaplain at that time, I spoke with God from the heart. I admitted my wrongdoings, and that I was hopeless sinner. I received the gift of forgiveness and eternal life through Jesus.

I told Him that, with His help, I wanted to follow him and His ways. It sounds clichéd, but I was overcome with long hidden emotions. I cried like a baby for several minutes.

After the tears, peace came over me. Suddenly, my anxieties and feelings of guilt and shame dissipated. I knew what happened was real. The apostle Paul wrote, “Anyone who believes in Christ is a new creation. The old has gone! The new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I did Bible studies and spent time mentoring under the chaplain to learn and get to know Jesus better. Upon my release, my relationship with the chaplain ended. I was “better now” and wanted to do things my own way.

For the next nine years, I was a slave to sin and the flesh. I continued drinking, doing drugs, and engaging in criminal activities, and was in and out of jail multiple times.

In 2012, I was arrested for another violent offence. This time, I graduated to the “big house” in a penitentiary. For over nine years, the seed that He had planted in my heart began producing fruit. After God stooped down, pulled me out of the depths of sin, and breathed in me new life, the Holy Spirit began to change a gambling, drinking, fornicating, thieving wreck like me into a God-fearing man.

And sure enough, over time, as I tried to follow Jesus’ teachings and open myself to His power, I noticed I began to change. Jesus gave me a moral compass to live by. I didn’t hurt people — or myself — the way I used to.

He once again relieved me of the guilt and shame that weighed so heavily on my exhausted shoulders. He gave a new dimension to the few relationships I had left, while at the same time transitioning my mind and thought process, and thus my actions.

This started while I was in prison, but continued throughout my release. I joined a God-fearing church, changed my friends and associates, and began attending a weekly church group. Because of my obedience and faithfulness, my cup began to overflow with His blessings.

He gave me a job with my new landlord, who also owned a business. At the same time, I was doing snow removal in the evenings at the church.

Everything was going well for me until I started going back to the pub a couple nights per week, and dabbling in occasional opium. And once I began making money, I had what I needed to start playing poker again. I played four tournaments in four weeks, winning three of them — and making $4,000. Although my relationship with Jesus was still consistent, I was now back to my old shenanigans.

I didn’t heed God’s warnings. He taught me a lesson to get me back on the right path. At this time, I was only out of prison for ten months. I got arrested again on yet another serious offence. I’m looking at ten years this time. Ironically — God as my witness — although I am morally guilty and have broken God’s laws, I didn’t commit the crime this time around. But although it’s unfortunate to be back in jail, this is where I am closest with God.

I could go on and tell you all the fortunate things I’ve learned because I’ve had so much quality time alone with God. However, I’ve written too much already. For whatever reason, this was God’s will. In order for Him to teach me many valuable lessons, I need to be where I am. My situation is unfortunate, but by faith, I know that everything works out best in the end when you trust God. Not my will be done, but His.

Ian’s name has been changed to protect his privacy. Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash.